joke of the day

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klingon
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joke of the day

Post by klingon » Sun Sep 19, 2010 12:27 pm

"My wife has a furniture problem-her chest has fallen down into her drawers"!- :)
"I hate two faced people-don't know which face to punch first!"

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rob565uk
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Re: joke of the day

Post by rob565uk » Sun Sep 19, 2010 2:25 pm

I went to a restaurant that advertises "Breakfast at Any Time", but was asked to leave when I ordered Full English Breakfast during the Renaissance.

1 in 10 people understands binary. The other one doesn't

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bluebirdsback
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Re: joke of the day

Post by bluebirdsback » Sun Sep 19, 2010 3:18 pm

Bear with me chaps, I will think of a printable one shortly.
The moment you make something idiot proof a new breed of idiots will come along and prove you wrong

orgster1

Re: joke of the day

Post by orgster1 » Sun Sep 19, 2010 3:31 pm

I had to divorce my first wife because of religious reasons. She thought she was God whereas i didn't.

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Piston Broke
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Piston Broke » Sun Sep 19, 2010 3:41 pm

Fact of life...After Monday & Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F !!
If it can't be fixed with duck tape it can't be fixed
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness"
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wbjohn
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Re: joke of the day

Post by wbjohn » Sun Sep 19, 2010 4:18 pm

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

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Renegadenemo
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Renegadenemo » Sun Sep 19, 2010 5:44 pm

Did you know, the Chinese name their kids by throwing a handful of cutlery on the floor and naming them after the noise it makes...
I'm only a plumber from Cannock...

"As to reward, my profession is its own reward;" Sherlock Holmes.

'Sometimes you gotta be an S.O.B if you wanna make a dream reality' Mark Knopfler

quicksilver-wsr
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Re: joke of the day

Post by quicksilver-wsr » Sun Sep 19, 2010 5:59 pm

"Who's 50 and sleeps with cats?"

Mrs Katz.

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mtskull
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Re: joke of the day

Post by mtskull » Sun Sep 19, 2010 7:23 pm

A girl walked into a pub and said to the barman: "I'd like a double entendre please", so the barman gave her one.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals.

orgster1

Re: joke of the day

Post by orgster1 » Sun Sep 19, 2010 10:02 pm

A man walks up to the bar with a small lizard on his shoulder.He says to the barman can i have a pint of bitter and a large glass of water for tiny please. The barman ask's why do you call the lizard tiny is it because he's so small? Man looks at the barman and says no it's because he's my newt.

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