joke of the day

[bluebirdsback]

Englishman Scotsman and Irishman walks into a pub. The barman said "is this some kind of a joke"
Yes ok i know its rubbish but if i were to put my good ones on our moderater would have a full time job.

[Andrew453]

Man staggers into hospital with concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Doctor asks, 'What happened to you?'

'Well, I was having a round of golf with the wife when we both sliced our balls into a field of cattle. We went to look for them and I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.'

'I lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with the wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's arse.

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!''

'I don't remember much after that'

[tas]

How do you get a Granny to swear?

Get another one to shout 'Bingo'.

[klingon]

Star Trek joke-Why is Uhura brown?
William Shatner.-

[bluebirdsback]

Little irish lad sat crying in the street. Whats up?asks a passer by. My Mam has just died replied the boy. Shall i fetch Father Murphy for you asks the passer by. No thank you said the boy, Sex is the last thing on my mind at the moment.

Or my favourite clean one.

Paddy goes to the Antiques Road show with a large parcel under his arm.
What have we here Paddy asks the expert.
Not sure said Paddy i found it in the loft and wondered if it was worth anything.
Expert opens the parcel and said not realy Paddy ... its your hot water tank.

[Jordangbr]

Apparently Jeremy Beadle had a small willy.
On the other hand it's massive!

[bluebirdsback]

Man joins a monestry of silent monks, He is told he can say 3 words a year.
First year passes and he is called in to see the head monk for his 3 words.

Bed too hard" he said. Head monk told him it would be sorted and off he went.

Year later he is in again. food always cold" again he was told it would be sorted and off he went.

3rd year he went in and said, want to leave"
Head monk said, Thank christ for that. you've done nowt but moan since you got here

[Renegadenemo]

Then there's the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stayed up all night to see whether there really is a dog...

[rob565uk]

That reminds me of the late, great (and often inebriated) Oliver Reed's definition of the perfect Wife: A deaf and dumb nymphomaniac whose Father owns a Pub........

[Pullman99]

Then there's the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stayed up all night to see whether there really is a dog...

As reported on another Forum, Jasper Carrott once made a joke about dyslexia. "You should have seen the letters I got", he commented.

He also made a joke about Alzheimer's. "You should have seen the envelopes I got".