joke of the day

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rob565uk
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Re: joke of the day

Post by rob565uk » Fri Aug 08, 2014 6:02 pm

Image

Sign in Pub, seen and appreciated whilst on holiday...

When you come to a fork in the road, take it

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rob565uk
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Re: joke of the day

Post by rob565uk » Fri Aug 08, 2014 6:04 pm

Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day. The description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once’

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Piston Broke
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joke of the day

Post by Piston Broke » Mon Sep 01, 2014 7:47 pm

Saw this Douglas Adams quote and thought of Bill


Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works. Anything that’s invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty- five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it. Anything invented after you’re thirty-five is against the natural order of things.
If it can't be fixed with duck tape it can't be fixed
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness"
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rob565uk
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Re: joke of the day

Post by rob565uk » Mon Sep 01, 2014 8:35 pm

I also like Douglas Adams' definition of Technology: Comes with a set of instructions, like a bunch of flowers doesn't ....

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Renegadenemo
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Renegadenemo » Mon Sep 01, 2014 9:01 pm

Anything invented after you’re thirty-five is against the natural order of things.
Not at all... it's just that once upon a time necessity was the mother of invention and now it's a case of invent something shiny then exploit the herd mentality having said we all need one. The extravagantly useless iPad, for example...
I'm only a plumber from Cannock...

"As to reward, my profession is its own reward;" Sherlock Holmes

Voltaire's apology when he wrote a long letter: "I didn't have time to make it shorter."

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Piston Broke
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Piston Broke » Mon Sep 01, 2014 9:34 pm

Renegadenemo wrote:
Anything invented after you’re thirty-five is against the natural order of things.
Not at all... it's just that once upon a time necessity was the mother of invention and now it's a case of invent something shiny then exploit the herd mentality having said we all need one. The extravagantly useless iPad, for example...
People don't know what they want until you show it to them

- Steve Jobs
If it can't be fixed with duck tape it can't be fixed
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness"
Facebook is to socialising is what masturbation is to sex

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Renegadenemo
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Renegadenemo » Tue Sep 02, 2014 12:00 am

People don't know what they want until you show it to them
Can't deny the man's utter genius - he certainly knew a herd of sheep when he saw one!
I'm only a plumber from Cannock...

"As to reward, my profession is its own reward;" Sherlock Holmes

Voltaire's apology when he wrote a long letter: "I didn't have time to make it shorter."

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Mike Bull
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Mike Bull » Wed Sep 17, 2014 10:02 pm

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Renegadenemo
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Renegadenemo » Mon Sep 22, 2014 7:42 pm

I'm only a plumber from Cannock...

"As to reward, my profession is its own reward;" Sherlock Holmes

Voltaire's apology when he wrote a long letter: "I didn't have time to make it shorter."

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Piston Broke
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Re: joke of the day

Post by Piston Broke » Thu Oct 02, 2014 7:29 pm

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year
old farmer from Norfolk, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while
working cattle, the Doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to David Cameron,
Ed Milliband & Politicians in general and their role as our leaders.

The old farmer said, "Well, as I see it, most
Politicians are Post Turtles'.

'Not being familiar with the term, the Doctor asked
him what a 'post turtle' was.

The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a
country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top,
that's a post turtle."

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the Doctor's
face so he continued to explain. "You know he didn't get up there by himself,
he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up
there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what
kind of dumb arse put him up there to begin with."



Best explanation of a politician I've ever heard !!!
If it can't be fixed with duck tape it can't be fixed
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness"
Facebook is to socialising is what masturbation is to sex

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