joke of the day
Re: joke of the day
I also like Douglas Adams' definition of Technology: Comes with a set of instructions, like a bunch of flowers doesn't ....
1 in 10 people understands binary. The other one doesn't
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Renegadenemo
- Posts: 5176
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- Location: N E England
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Re: joke of the day
Not at all... it's just that once upon a time necessity was the mother of invention and now it's a case of invent something shiny then exploit the herd mentality having said we all need one. The extravagantly useless iPad, for example...Anything invented after you’re thirty-five is against the natural order of things.
I'm only a plumber from Cannock...
"As to reward, my profession is its own reward;" Sherlock Holmes.
'It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.' W.C. Fields.
"As to reward, my profession is its own reward;" Sherlock Holmes.
'It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.' W.C. Fields.
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Piston Broke
- Site Admin
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- Joined: Thu Dec 04, 2008 12:49 pm
Re: joke of the day
People don't know what they want until you show it to themRenegadenemo wrote:Not at all... it's just that once upon a time necessity was the mother of invention and now it's a case of invent something shiny then exploit the herd mentality having said we all need one. The extravagantly useless iPad, for example...Anything invented after you’re thirty-five is against the natural order of things.
- Steve Jobs
If it can't be fixed with duck tape it can't be fixed
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness"
Facebook is to socialising is what masturbation is to sex
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness"
Facebook is to socialising is what masturbation is to sex
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Renegadenemo
- Posts: 5176
- Joined: Mon Dec 01, 2008 12:29 pm
- Location: N E England
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Re: joke of the day
Can't deny the man's utter genius - he certainly knew a herd of sheep when he saw one!People don't know what they want until you show it to them
I'm only a plumber from Cannock...
"As to reward, my profession is its own reward;" Sherlock Holmes.
'It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.' W.C. Fields.
"As to reward, my profession is its own reward;" Sherlock Holmes.
'It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.' W.C. Fields.
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Renegadenemo
- Posts: 5176
- Joined: Mon Dec 01, 2008 12:29 pm
- Location: N E England
- Contact:
Re: joke of the day
I'm only a plumber from Cannock...
"As to reward, my profession is its own reward;" Sherlock Holmes.
'It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.' W.C. Fields.
"As to reward, my profession is its own reward;" Sherlock Holmes.
'It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.' W.C. Fields.
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Piston Broke
- Site Admin
- Posts: 395
- Joined: Thu Dec 04, 2008 12:49 pm
Re: joke of the day
While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year
old farmer from Norfolk, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while
working cattle, the Doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.
Eventually the topic got around to David Cameron,
Ed Milliband & Politicians in general and their role as our leaders.
The old farmer said, "Well, as I see it, most
Politicians are Post Turtles'.
'Not being familiar with the term, the Doctor asked
him what a 'post turtle' was.
The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a
country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top,
that's a post turtle."
The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the Doctor's
face so he continued to explain. "You know he didn't get up there by himself,
he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up
there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what
kind of dumb arse put him up there to begin with."
Best explanation of a politician I've ever heard !!!
old farmer from Norfolk, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while
working cattle, the Doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.
Eventually the topic got around to David Cameron,
Ed Milliband & Politicians in general and their role as our leaders.
The old farmer said, "Well, as I see it, most
Politicians are Post Turtles'.
'Not being familiar with the term, the Doctor asked
him what a 'post turtle' was.
The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a
country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top,
that's a post turtle."
The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the Doctor's
face so he continued to explain. "You know he didn't get up there by himself,
he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up
there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what
kind of dumb arse put him up there to begin with."
Best explanation of a politician I've ever heard !!!
If it can't be fixed with duck tape it can't be fixed
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness"
Facebook is to socialising is what masturbation is to sex
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness"
Facebook is to socialising is what masturbation is to sex
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Dominic Owen
- Posts: 454
- Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2011 4:10 pm
Re: joke of the day
First woman on the Moon:
"Houston, we have a problem."
What?
"Never mind"
What's the problem?
"Nothing"
Please tell us?
"You know what the problem is."
"Houston, we have a problem."
What?
"Never mind"
What's the problem?
"Nothing"
Please tell us?
"You know what the problem is."
One by one, the penguins are stealing my sanity...
"Complete" or "Finished"?
No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between "complete" and "finished."
However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist,
was asked to make that very distinction.
The question by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: "Some say there is no difference between 'complete' and 'finished.'
Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand."
Mr. Balgobin's response: "When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete. ”
If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.'
And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished.'"
His answer received a five minute standing ovation..
However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist,
was asked to make that very distinction.
The question by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: "Some say there is no difference between 'complete' and 'finished.'
Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand."
Mr. Balgobin's response: "When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete. ”
If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.'
And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished.'"
His answer received a five minute standing ovation..
1 in 10 people understands binary. The other one doesn't
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Dominic Owen
- Posts: 454
- Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2011 4:10 pm
Re: joke of the day
Did you know that you can determine the sex of an ant by dropping it in a glass of water?
If it sinks - girl ant
If it floats - boy ant
If it sinks - girl ant
If it floats - boy ant
One by one, the penguins are stealing my sanity...
Brilliant!