Diary April 2018 Part 2

Ahhh, it’s great to be back and as there’s so much going on I thought I’d throw another diary together straight away. Had forgotten how much fun it is to set the keyboard warriors off too. I love them because, dear creatures that they are, they never learn – even when you say don’t read it, here’s where the bit you’ll whinge about starts and ends so don’t go there, they blunder dumbly onwards then…


Diary April 2018

Said I wasn’t going to write any more diaries. The fun had gone out of it. You see, the only part I actually enjoy writing is the rubbish at the beginning. It’s like making a curry. You marinate the meats and roll in the spices then watch while it bubbles and the kitchen fills with wonderful aromas, season to taste then, when it’s perfect, boil up a big pan of rice and serve it up. The artistry…


Diary December 2016

I managed a little more controversy last time from hopeless dog owners and that’s always a laugh but I’d not reckoned on just how many people believe that keeping foxes alive is a good idea! Not so many share that sentiment about rats yet rats are landed gentry by comparison.

I have a happy little family of them at the bottom of the garden. They’ve dug themselves an underworld through the…


Diary February 2016

Dear Lord, there are some tragic people out there!

I got into a world of trouble last time I wrote because, apparently, I didn’t care enough about my dog! That will be why he lived the life of luxury and got away with murder for thirteen years, will it? But it seems I failed to weep and wail and cry enough when he finally karked it. That’d be because it was his time and I was rightly proud…


Diary September 2015

Well, well well… it’s been a while since I last sat down to write. I never seem to find the time these days. Much has gone on since last time and now I’m even under pressure from total strangers to write something! Terrible case of writer’s block, I’m afraid. You see, the format is well and truly established; then suddenly…


Diary November 2014

Never mind fixing boats, I thought I’d fix my dog last week so I took her to the vets, menopausal old mutt that she is.

Lots of blood, pus and horror and sickly slurping with the doggy tongue so we gave her some antibiotics and she picked up nicely but a week later she was down again so it was off to see the doctor.

Nothing we didn’t know already, a stinking, open Pyo’ and an emergency…


Diary September 2014

I got a great email after the last diary. It said something like; tell whoever writes the diary to be less ‘verbose’. What a wonderful word, but verbosity is sort of the point. The format is long established in that there’s a rant first that hopefully raises a smile and occasionally goes viral. How I wish I could find Mrs. Dog Coat again, for example, to thank her for such good material, and the…


April 2014

Ever since Athelred the Angry picked up a rock and bashed his enemy’s head in with it rather than break a fingernail mankind has been using tools to make life easier, simpler and more efficient; and so one of the multitudinous tributaries of this process ultimately led to Alexander Graham Bell inventing the telephone – or nicking someone else’s patent application, depending on who you believe.

Even…


August 2013

“I’m a project manager,” said the man confidently. “Your job seems to be taking a long time, perhaps I can give you a few tips.”

 

Now then – one thing I have learned on this job is that sometimes, even when you so want to tell someone to stick their idea where the sun doesn’t shine, it’s worth a listen just in case they happen to know what they’re talking about. Another thing is…


Jan/Feb 2013

 I once spent a morning with a high-falutin’ barrister from some stupidly expensive London chambers. I was due in crown court as an expert and he wanted me up to speed before some equally expensive defence barristers got their teeth into me and ruined his case. But he wasn’t with the programme himself because he’d been drafted in at the last moment to replace another who’d gone sick and wasn’t in…