This is the story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning as he woke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water & gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't help it, nevermind stop it, and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor as she was concerned that one day he would eventually blow his guts out.
Time went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs, where her husband was sound asleep, carefully peeled back the covers then gently pulled back the elastic waistband of his pants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts down the back.
Some time later she heard her husband awaken with his usual trumpeting, which was followed by a blood-curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran to the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing with tears in her eyes. After the years of torture, she reckoned she'd just about got him back.
About 20 minutes later, her husband came downstairs, still in his blood-stained pants and with a look of horror on his face. Biting her lip, she asks him what's wrong.
He said "Babe, you were right. All these years you've been warning me and I never listened to you.."
"What on earth do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened! But, by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I just about got them all back in..."
One by one, the penguins are stealing my sanity...