joke of the day

[rob565uk]

Archaeologists digging on a Pyramid in Egypt, have found a mummy wrapped in gold foil, and covered in chocolate with nuts





.... Experts believe it could be Pharaoh Roche !!

[rob565uk]

A Scouse and a Yank volunteer aid workers are helping out in Japan after the tsunami devastation

The Yank says, "Are you from round here, buddy?"
"No," says the Scouser, " Liverpool "

"What State's that in?" asks the Yank.

After some thought the Scouser replies "Pretty much the same as this place!"

[rob565uk]

Novelty Key Ring Holder.jpg

[rob565uk]

A little girl goes to a pet shop and asks
"Excuthe me do you have any widdle wabbits?"

The shopkeeper's heart melts. He gets down on his knees so that he is on her level and says
"Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft fwuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown one over there?"

The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers:

"I don't wealy fink my pyfon gives a ##@!!."

[Jordangbr]

"Jesus loves you."

A nice gesture in church.

A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

[rob565uk]

A Mexican just started his own business in Afghanistan.
He’s making land mines that look like prayer mats. It’s doing well.
He says:
'Prophets are going through the roof'.

[rob565uk]

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

[rob565uk]

Girl - "Can I drive?"
Guy - "No. I'm fine"
Girl - "Oh, please let me. I really want to!"
Guy - "No"
Girl - "I tell you what, if you let me drive, just for a bit, I'll give you a blowjob"
Guy - "Really?"
Girl - "Promise"
Guy - "Oh go on then"....
"And that, your honour, is the final entry from the black box on the Costa Concordia".

[Dominic Owen]

An Englishman, an American and a Frenchman find an ancient oil lamp, give it a rub and out pops a genie (Bet you didn't see that one coming!)
After a yawn and a stretch, the genie looks at them and scratches his head.
"Hmmm... As is customary, I can grant three wishes to whoever releases me. As there are three of you, I guess you get one each."
Without pausing to consider the somewhat cliched nature of their situation, they all look at each other to see who'll go first.
The American says "Well, if you two are still thinking and don't object, I know what I want" and he turns to the genie: "Sir, I'm a farmer. My daddy was a farmer, just as his daddy was before him. For generations my family have lived on and worked the same land but times are becoming hard and if one more crop fails I fear we will lose everything. My wish is for my family's land to remain forever fertile for us so that my son and all future generations can carry on in this family tradition."
"Very noble" says the genie, and with a click of his fingers it is done.
Next up steps the Frenchman.
"Is there a limit to what I can ask for?"
"No" replies the genie, "you can have absolutely anything you want"
"Excellent! Monsieur, I love my country as much as life itself and since the dawn of time it has been invaded repeatedly from all sides. I want an insurmountable & indestructable wall around it so this can never happen again."
"That's quite understandable" says the genie. With a click of his fingers it is done and he turns to the Englishman for the final wish.
"This wall mate... Tell me about it."
"Oh, OK" says the genie, "If I do say so myself, it's a bloody masterpiece! It's 100m thick and as tall as Mont Blanc. Absolutely nothing can break, crack, chip or even scratch it. Long after the sun has died and this planet has been destroyed, that wall will be floating through space, still in one piece!"
"Marvellous!" says the Englishman, "Fill it with water!"

[rob565uk]

Last night I thought I could hear the ghost of Robin Gibb singing in my fridge

But, when I opened the door, it was just a chive talking