The Bluebird Project

by **Piston Broke** » Tue Sep 28, 2010 7:12 am

One for our little Mackem Mate

A blind Geordie enters a Mackem pub by mistake. He finds his way to the bar and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the landlord: "Hey, you wanna hear a joke about the Mackems?"

The pub falls absolutely silent.
The lad next to him says: "Before yer tell us yer joke, there's a few things yer shud knaa:
1 - The landlord is a Mackem.
2 - The booncer is a Mackem.
3 - I'm a 6ft 6in taall, 220-poond Mackem with a black belt in kerartee.
4 - The lad sitting next to us is a Mackem, and is a pro weightlifta.
5 - The lad to your reet is a Mackem, and is a pro wrestla.
Noo, think aboot it seriously, marra. Do you still wanna tell yer Mackem joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares:

Nah...not if Ah'm gonna have to explain it five times

by **rob565uk** » Tue Sep 28, 2010 9:56 pm

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her dressing gown and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

by **bluebirdsback** » Tue Sep 28, 2010 10:21 pm

Meeting in Morrisons for coffee sounds ok, however proving my sex godliness may result in us both being barred from the cafe and indeed the entire store. Unless you mean the one at Cramlington they get allsorts in there.
Where did you get that picture of me from by the way? Hold on a bit... no the nose is a bit big to be me but he is very close.
Scruffy bugger needs a shave too.

See you in Morrisons, and i will pay for the breakfasts, how romantic is that?

Love Studmuffin xx

by **Mike Bull** » Tue Sep 28, 2010 10:29 pm

I'd offer you love birds use of my Morrisons discount card, but I'm not sure we can afford to lose ten percent off Rob! :lol:

by **bluebirdsback** » Wed Sep 29, 2010 10:23 pm

Aahh sweet thing,I would like nothing better than to share a breakfast with you,.But alas i know not what you look like, and Morrisons can be a busy place, Especialy on giro day when the ner do wells are spending my tax money on tabs and scratch cards.

I KNOW. How about you pm me some of those saucy pics you mention on pic of the day. Purely for recognition purposes of course.

Right where did i put them tissues. Er. I think i might have a cold coming on :oops:

Your ever loving.. Studmuffin. xx

by **bluebirdsback** » Wed Sep 29, 2010 10:34 pm

That reminds me of this one.

Old Paddy at the airport waiting.

Another person waiting asks if he is meeting someone

Yes said old Paddy, my brother Murphy. We havnt seen each other in 70 years.
Will you recognize him after all this time?
No said paddy but he should recognize me.
How do you work that out ? asked the man
Well said Paddy ive never been away

by **klingon** » Wed Sep 29, 2010 11:54 pm

itsawrap wrote:Rob.....im hoping you look like this man!! phoooaaarrrrr!!!!!

http://vpqv.net/wp-content/uploads/2009 ... uth001.jpg

We all look like that in Paisley!-(Gerry Butler lived up the street from us)-Schpaaaaartaaaans! :lol:

by **Mike Bull** » Thu Sep 30, 2010 4:21 pm

Not actual jokes, but a couple of my favourite bits of Geordie-related humour-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSHHbfY6MVc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxvHGxRbn5U&feature=related

by **Jordangbr** » Thu Sep 30, 2010 4:58 pm

Made me laugh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vh6qXrICfD4

by **captainbear** » Thu Sep 30, 2010 10:07 pm

The Lone Ranger and Tonto stopped in the desert for the night. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. It also seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What's it tell you,Tonto?"

Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole tent."

Can't stop laughing at this one :lol: